Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
