Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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