You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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