On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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