she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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