So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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