dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
