I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
