During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
