Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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