Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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