Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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