I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
