I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
