No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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