u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
