Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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