I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
