this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
