i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
