Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
