She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
