I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
