Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
