I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize