Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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