I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
sex in a hospital.. check
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
