I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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