More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
