everyone is single if you try hard enough
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
