When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
