Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
