the condom got lost in my hair
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
