I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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