Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't deserve a penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
