i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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