So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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