drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
