I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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