I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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