the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
