Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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