OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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