I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
