I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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