so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
