Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
