Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
