Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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