i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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