well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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