Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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