you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
