i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
