You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
