I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
