Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
