I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize