Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
