Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
