Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
