u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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