my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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