Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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