he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
