if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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