I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
