At least make sure they are 18
Why
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
