I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
