They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
