The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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