you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this must be what syphilis tastes like
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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