wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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