How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
