Just fell off a train. Bad.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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